Fiona's apples, Bon Jovi's name game and more Since we can remember the days when a passel of California-based cuckoos lodged a protest against lawyers by delivering poisonous snakes to their mailboxes, we're pleased as punch to see the biblical angle come full circle, thanks to a coalition of Fiona Apple fans. Led by Dave Muscato -- a Missouri man with plenty of time on his hands and plenty of access to produce -- the "Free Fiona" brigade plans to inundate the offices of Sony with boxes of apples, a protest against the label's decision to shelve Fiona's Extraordinary Machine album. That disc, delivered in the spring of 2003, has been deemed too non-commercial for release, a statement that's apparently rattled the Golden Delicious-toting protesters to the, er, core. Somehow, we think a similar action would be more effective for fans of, say, one-man pop juggernaut Dump . . .
While it's entirely fitting that Jon Bon Jovi recently issued an apology for naming his fourth child Romeo earlier this year, we were shocked to find that the mea culpa was not delivered directly to the kid himself. Instead, Mr. Good Jovi sent his regrets to David and Victoria Beckham -- the Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson of the United Kingdom -- because he discovered that couple had already bestowed the moniker on their young 'un. We're not entirely certain why the Poodle King forgot to ask the forgiveness of Master P -- whose offspring, as evidenced by the hit sitcom that bears his name, also happens to be similarly dubbed -- but if we were the No Limit majordomo, we'd be demanding a fruit basket right about now . . .
For some reason, seeing the words "Shakespeare" and "naked" in the same sentence gave us visions of Paris Hilton expanding her acting horizons in a new version of Macbeth, but once our head cleared, we were left with the considerably less enticing news that the Barenaked Ladies have been tapped to provide the music for an updated rendition of As You Like It, which will open in Stratford, Ontario, next spring. The Ladies were chosen for this particular staging, according to director Antoni Cimolino, because he's changing the setting of the play to the 1960s. We're fine with that, but if we hear Steven Page and company add a single "eh?" or "aboot," we're hopping on board that Invade Canada bandwagon . . .
A group of British pub owners claim they've found the cure for problem drinking -- and it's been right under their collective nose for decades. According to a survey taken in ol' Blighty's watering holes, a spin of Cliff Richards' "Mistletoe and Wine" has supplanted turning on a garden hose as the quickest way to get patrons out the door at closing time. Although Sir Cliff's recordings are comparatively hard to find on this side of the Atlantic -- something to do with FDA regulations about insect infestation, from what we gather -- there is a homegrown solution: Elvis Presley's "Blue Christmas" ran a close second in the survey, which obviously didn't include Korn's rendition of "Good King Wenceslas."